Saturday, October 15, 2011


Sometimes life hits you like a ton of bricks. You don't know what to do or where to turn. How to handle things as they occur. Should you laugh or cry? Think of the good times or dwell on the bad. Hoping that you could have done something to change the terrible outcome. But there is only so much you can do. Sometimes you sit and wonder, why. Why does this happen? Why does it happen to us? Why does it happen so often? What do you do?

They say that we all live to die. But what if we're not ready yet? What if there were so many more things we were supposed to get married, have kids, build that house you always dreamed of, tell the love of your life you're sorry for everything, breathe, cry, set goals for yourself and accomplish them. Sometimes death intervine's and takes all the things we wanted to do with our lives prematurely. You're finally not suffering, but who's left to suffer? Your family, your friends. It's not fair to us, and it's not fair to you.

This was the last thing I wanted to hear today, the last thing I ever expected. The last person who I would have thought would have been next. I'm so crushed. Hurt and heartbroken. I seen people cry today that I never thought I would. I know how they feel, but that doesn't matter. There's no way to ease their pain. I wish I could. I wish I could heal the hurt, bring you back and make life better again. But I'm not God. If only life played out just as we wanted them to, we'd have no complaints, we'd be happy and that's all that would matter.

I just wish you lived your life to the fullest potential. I wish you got to experience those things that you had planned for your future. I wish I would have said more to you the other day than I did. It's like a knew, and I had my chance and blew it. But it's okay, because we all love you and miss you dearly and you know that. I now have another person waiting for me in heaven, one more person to make me not fear death, but almost to welcome it with open arms. I know you're watching down on us and I will look back up at you with a smile. I miss you Nick, you were so great and a brother to me. May your soul rest in peace with God, and please give my father a huge hug for me. I love you cuz. xo.

My cousin Nick passed away today. I'm not asking for sympathy, and that's not why I posted this. I needed to get my thoughts out somewhere and I needed to ease some of the hurt. And this is where I turned to. 

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