I feel like I just saw a ghost.

Ugh. Ugh Ugh Ugh. Today is one of those hard days that I am trying to just get through. It's been about 2 and a half years since my father's passing. And though I've been very close to my dad, some memories do fade with time (which I was afraid of). I try to speak of him in my everyday, think about him and see things that remind me of him. But sometimes that's not enough. So then you turn to pictures. To see his face, his smile. To remember things you can't with just your mind. Then the pictures just aren't enough. You want more. You wish to hear the sound of his voice because now you can't remember it anymore. Then what? You turn to home videos. 

My dad had a camcorder back in the 90's. He ended up giving it to my Grandma. I had no recollection of this until the last month or so. I had no idea there were any movies with him on it. She said that there was one of my communion and one of him and his friends when they went down to Florida. Knowing that I had a tape with him on it meant the world to me. But I didn't get my hopes up. Just because she said there was something with him on it doesn't mean there is. 

I watched the tapes (man, I forgot how to use a VCR, how sad is that), and at first, I couldn't find anything. I began to panic. I thought she had accidentally recorded over it, or that they never worked to begin with. My hopes of hearing my dad's voice was pretty much shattered. I sat here sad and depressed, knowing the last chance of hearing his voice was now, gone. But then I remembered something, TRACKING! When sometimes the tapes won't play, you have to mess with the tracking. I finally got it to work! But the video wasn't of my dad, it was of my cousin Luke. Then my cousin Nick, who just passed away. I sat there in shock. I was excited to see Nick, but at the same time, really sad that it wasn't my dad. I continued through the video, and eventually it made it to his part. Instantly I cried. I really did forget his laugh, how he talked, how HAPPY he was. Granted, this video was from 1993, but my dad didn't change much. I can't even tell you how many times he said "Hi Rachel" on there. My heart is seriously broken into a thousand pieces. I just want to jump through my TV and give him the biggest hug imaginable. I really hate how hard life is without him and I hate that God took him so soon. I just don't find it very fair, but I know I can't think like that. I'm just forever grateful to hear his voice again. It makes it almost seem like he never left me. I'm glad to have one video of two people I lost recently to remember them just a little bit more than my mind would allow. Life is funny sometimes. I am sitting here now not sure how to feel. I guess I'm more sad than anything else. It's a hard reality, and I feel like I made so much progress of dealing with his loss in the last two years, and now (in a way) I feel like I just moved backwards. I hope I don't get tossed into a deep depression again. I probably won't (I hope!!), but if I do, I do. I just miss him so much! Eeep. Just so many emotions right now...I guess now that my VCR is hooked up, I can toss in an old Disney movie I haven't seen in years and crochet to boost my sad spirits! I hope I didn't make anyone sad/depressed reading this. Totally not my intention. 

xo.

ps. Yeup, that's me and my daddy back in the day. Aren't we cute?? :)

Wennnnnailsdayyyy.

Ohhh I've been so excited to show you all this fun nail design I came up with over the weekend. I had gone to Sally Beauty Supply and snagged quite a few awesome shades of nail polish. I promised you last week that I would show you my nail routine. Here's the supplies I use to do my nails:

I remove any prior polish with nail polish remover. Then I clip my nails to my desired length. I file them so there aren't any sharp edges. I have to say, I think the cuticle clipper is the best invention, ever! This thing comes in handy for sooo many things. I'm not one to clip my cuticles. I use this primarily for hangnails and any little skin slivers I have hanging around. Then lastly, I buff my nail to take the ridges away. This really makes such a difference for me. My nails are so much stronger since I've been doing this. 

Next I pick out my polish of choice.

Now, to keep my nails and cuticles perfect, I keep up on them every day. I use my Cocoa Salve every time I wash my hands. I apply it to every nail, and then I put on lotion after that. Using that on my nails has done a world of difference.  My cuticles have no cuts anywhere on them. They've never been this healthy, I use my cuticle clipper as needed. 

Say hello to my fun Halloween inspired nails! I seen both these orange shades and knew exactly what I was going to do with them!! I wasn't able to draw the pumpkin face on my right hand (I'm not coordinated enough) so I just did dots on that hand. 

Revlon in Tangerine. 

I got this one on clearance at Sally's and it was 50% off of the reduced price. WIN! 

I looove this shade. 

Now I mentioned yesterday that I got my hair cut. I did get the bangs. I was pretty hesitant on doing those (flashbacks to my childhood - eek), but I wanted them to be a little different. I didn't want straight across bangs, I opted for a gradual angle.

I simply LOVE them! I can't believe I waited so long to do something semi-drastic to my hair. I always was so self conscious about a lot of things about my body, especially having short hair (since I gained a ton of weight). But now, I feel comfortable being me. I can really care less about other people and what they think. Hey, it's the 21st century, right?

\

xo.

Truth.

One day, you sit there and realize how much you love someone. That love is so unconditional, intense and feels like it will continue on for a lifetime, nothing can break you guys apart...but as time progresses, that love slowly evaporates. Now, love isn't holding you together anymore. The things you think you know about the person you love, suddenly becomes untrue, a lie. You don't know who they are anymore. Your dream guy suddenly turns into "that" guy. That guy you've always despised. That guy who is vulgar, uncaring and completely opposite of all things true and real. That guy who you always swore you'd never allow yourself to be with. But how did you know? How did you know that your dream guy, the love of your life, is nothing like you had thought? What do you do now? You close that book and run far far away. That's the only thing you can do. Because he's out there, that guy, that guy you've been pining for your entire life. That guy isn't the one you were in love with just for a moment, but the one you will be in love with for the rest of your life. Because if he loves you the way you love him, he will never let you go.

Room Revamp Pt 2

Well! My room changes are finally complete. There are some things I still would like to update, but I happy with the current results. Now onto the pics :)

I used to keep all my jewelry in an antique bowl. Eventually it got all tangled up and hard to pick out what I wanted to wear that day. So I decided to hang up some of my necklaces on my walls as a decoration, as well as keeping them readily available for when I want to wear them :)

I've gotten into hats recently. And seeing my room is so small, I didn't just want them to pile up in a corner somewhere. So I had some Glad hooks laying around that I drew hearts and dots on for a fun look. 

I pretty much kept my TV stand the same. I love what's all on it! 

I had reorganized my piano bench. I had threw some skeins of yarn in one of my Longarberger Baskets (thank you Goodwill) for a fun touch. I put my grandfather's old bird book in the other. 

Instead of having a ton of clothes on my chair, I put some herb books on there for storage, as well as to give it a charming look.

This is an old field desk from WWII. I had it on my floor where my chair currently resides. This is one of my favorite pieces in my room. I've had this item since I was about 15 or 16. It's so special to me, I will never let this baby out of my sight!

These are the items to the left of my trunk. All thrifted - minus the girl...I got her on my 16th Birthday.

This is to the right of my trunk. All thrifted except the earring holder. I just got the bunny the other day at Goodwill. I was so excited to find it! It's adorable!!

The top of the trunk. All thrifted again.

This is the inside of my trunk. It has a lot of great storage space on the inside...where now I store all my yarn & supplies. 

These are the polaroids I took last weekend. Some of them didn't turn out. So as I was reading I got this neat idea from Little Chief Honeybee's Blog about writing inspirational quotes on the undeveloped polaroids. Sorry I can't find the original post. I thought I had bookmarked it but I suppose not. Nonetheless, it's a wonderful idea!

My cork board was a complete mess. So I had to find a good way to make it cute and fun. I had made the banner from old scrapbook paper I had laying around. I just LOVE it! I also rearranged my photos as well. 

I had recently purchased these cute owls at Goodwill. They are for your stove, but I decided they would look way better on my walls! I just strung some yarn threw them and hung them up!

These I won from a giveaway on Talk2thetree's blog (she has a giveaway every Monday, too)!! They are made from A Vintage Poster. I love love love all their products and the quality is mind blowing. I highly recommend checking them out!! :)

My dresser, which is now an organized mess, hehe. 

And my newest item in my room that I just adore. These cute owls!!! I just love them! 

So there you have it! My room has been revamped and now I don't want to leave it! I feel more inspired now and now I hope to get some new goodies in my shop real soon! I'm thinkin about one more week or so before we open back up! Feel free to send us a convo on Etsy if you need anything :)

<3 Rachel

Room Revamp

So lately, I've just been tired of my room. It's a place for me to relax and let the day's stresses fade away. My room typically stays the same for quite a long time...so the change was totally due! Now, it's still in the process of getting beautified, but I am going to show you guys the "Before" photo's now! And trust me, they are NOT pretty. Didn't really help that my room was dirty and unorganized when I took them. It's normally not like that (I blame going out of town for the messy condition, haha). But alas, here they are:

I have my grandparents old bedroom set from the 50's. It has a lot of great storage space where I keep most of my dvd's and books. Totally a mess, right? 

Now this is my night stand right next to my bed. It has a bill holder (more like a junk holder) and I have some other things on there. There is just too much clutter on there and it drives me nuts! Then I have a book shelf to the right of that filled with more stuff.

So this is my dresser. On the right side, it has all my shipping stuff for my shop, and on the left it's usually my perfumes and junk mail. I have a neat lamp that I love to show off that you can barely see. I used to have my iMac where my shipping stuff was, but since getting a MacBook, I had moved that to a different room.  I have a chair sitting there where I could pack my orders and (when my computer was there) use that. But now it really serves no immediate purpose. So, basically it's just in the way.

So next we have my tv stand and all that jazz. I have some of my figurines on there, as well as on the old piano bench to the right of it. Again, another cluttered mess. You can kind of see to the right of the bench, I had a spot where I stored some of my clothes. Which is a great irritation to me. My room is small and my dresser drawers are small as well, so it's hard to put my clothes in them. 

Now this dresser...this is what bugs me the most in my room. I just tend to let things pile up over here from time to time. It just looks like a big ol mess to me. So this is something I wanted to tackle the most. 

I feel pretty ashamed putting these horrible pics up of my room. I assure you, it's hardly EVER that disgusting. But those where the last pics I took before I started bagging up a ton of stuff to take to Goodwill & also the garbage can! I can assure you, it's starting to have a look to it and I love how it's turning out. It should be completely finished by tomorrow, so I'm hoping to have a post up tomorrow with the finishing touches! Do you have a space of yours that you just want to revamp? If so, what do you want to do with it? 

xoxo

It's time to be more open!

I have to say, I'm not new to the blogging world. I've used LJ (LiveJournal) for the last 8 years. Granted, it's not the same type of blogging (mostly it was my diary), but it's still related in a sense. Since opening ABB, I want to expand myself over the web. And I think having a blog will help me do that. I want to connect with my readers and gain more of a following. Why? I'm not sure. At times I feel like I have something to say, sometimes I don't. But I always wanted to make an impact on someone positively. Even if it's over a silly post.

These next coming months will be a challenge for me. I want to slow down on my shyness and be more open, especially here on my blog. I have quite a few daily reads and I adore many other blogs on the web. I want to be more open and leave comments instead of just reading what they have to say. I want them to know I'm reading and that it is having an impact on me. I want to do the same with my readers as well. I know my blog still needs some more jazzing up to do (I really need to get on that menu bar), and I would like to have a few categories of things that I am going to try to improve in my life...and I would love to share those improvements with all of you!

I also want to do a picture a week for a whole year. I seen this on many other blogs (some do a pic a day) and I think it would be a great thing to do. Except, I will be doing this with a film camera, instead of a digital. It may turn out great, it may turn out horrible, but that's the fun behind it. You don't know what you're going to get! :)

I just wanted to expand myself on here and be more open. This blog isn't just about my shop and my day to day life. It's more than that. I want to show much more emotion and connect with all of you. Don't be afraid to comment, I love comments and it makes me really see that there are people reading this! So today, my shyness is going to sit on the back burner, it's time to get more personal and move forward. :)